Just a note to thank Boston for all the LOVE. Who knew? Yes it means the world to me but it is definitely a bonus because it just adds to the joy that I feel performing every night. To all of you out there that might be a little afraid to do something you always wanted to do. Do it! Start now. Do a little, do a lot, do anything — just do something. Do one thing today that is different from anything you have ever done. It will rock your world. Break out of that comfort zone. Take a risk, be gentle and nice and care about yourself. You are worth it!
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Ha sawry again... I'm so human... I've been wicked busy producing Minus 32 Million Words. It's been stressful, but also incredibly rewarding. I was sitting here this morning thinking, OMG I have just put this all together. I never thought I could do it. It made me think about how many times I've heard that we are much more powerful than we ever know. I love, love, love having nothing and turning it into something. It's really simple: all you have to do is take good care of yourself, don't feed into the negativity, do as much as you can, rest, and have a little fun. So simple yet so friggin hard. I hope you all can come out and see Minus 32 Million Words at the Boston center for the Arts. Tickets for Minus 32 Million Words in Boston are one sale now!
I somehow think if I write that I am going to get back to blogging, that I will. That guilt will actually make me do it. But alas, no. No excuse, but I'm in Boston working my little tail off to make the run of Minus 32 Million Words a huge success. I swear on my soul that you get more with honey than vinegar. That doesn't mean that people aren't mean and they don't screw up. But I find if you stay above it you can actually fly. I have a dance that I do and I think as penance for not writing in a while I will share it with you. It's called the shake it off dance. You shake your whole body, as hard as you can, flap your arms (to mimic flying) while wiggling your hips and sticking out your tongue. This dance should be done whenever you come across negative energy. I actually have found a way to do it internally while in the presence of yuckiness. But I still do a full-on version when I get home. So everybody tonight, before you go to bed, do a shake-it-off dance and think of me :) I hope everything is spelled right in this post and the grammar is close to correct. I'm typing on a small version of what I am used to. I'm sure if it's not perfect, I will hear from all my favorite grammar police officers!
I have not blogged in a while and I have no excuse. Yes I'm very busy but this should be part of my every day. I should wake up and do it the first thing in the morning and today I pledge to do it every day when I wake up. I'm human and sometimes I get off track but the only way to fix that is to try again, and again and again and again if that's what it takes!
…what I do all day, so, I've decided to write a bunch of words to describe how my day goes. Hi, do you have my money? Thanks! Hi it's me again, oh I thought you said it was in the mail. That sounds great. Hi I'm looking for such and such and I'm willing to pay you money for it. Oh yes, but I'd like to be treated with respect. Ok I'll go fuck myself. Thank you. Hi in this contract it says such and such but you never mentioned such and such. So that's my option? Pay it or go fuck myself. OK I'll get back to you on that one. Hi, I was wondering if that was the best you could do? OK great thanks. Hi it's me, I can't contact you anymore, I need to be treated with respect. OK I got your message and you're forgiven and I'll give it another try. Hi the same thing is happening. You came back and said that you would respect me, but you haven"t returned my calls again. Hi what's your name? Hi so and so how are you? I need such and such can you help? OK can I speak to your supervisor? OK I'll go fuck myself, thanks again. Hi I need such and such and I can give you such and such. Great thanks that sounds awesome I'm looking forward to it. Hi this is Sue yes I have a show, no you can't own it, bye. No I 'm not interested, thanks again. Hi it's Sue yes that sounds like a very respectable deal for both of us. Hi it's Sue you need to do that thing that you said you were going to do so we can make some money. OK I'll go fuck myself. Hi yes, have you calmed down? I'm sorry that that made you regress to a memory of your mother but I'm not your mother and I need to make a living. OK? Hi did you just say those guys are gonna want to fuck me if we do business together, please tell them to get in line. No I will not take my shirt off for my check. Thanks.
The way to becoming successful at the art of improv is that you always have to build on what the last person gave you. If you take away from it you stop the flow. The same goes with acting, you cannot play a negative emotion — you have to play an action.
You can't play depressed, you play an action that would make you depressed. You can’t play drunk, you have to play trying to be sober in order for you to be alive inside.
I was thinking about this a lot yesterday while I was sweating my ass off at a Bikram Yoga class.
I was thinking about athletes as well.
I was thinking about with all of these things, your body needs to be open and loose.
Yoga teaches you to be strong and flexible at the same time.
You have to be ready for anything in life, because anything can happen at any time and it's the way that you respond to it that dictates how you feel inside.
You need to be open and ready for a fight, a hug, sex, peace, confusion, success. It seems scary, but the truth is that it can be invigorating if you are solid inside. Yoga also teaches you to pause and to push through uncomfortable feelings.
The theory is, if you can do it on your mat, you can take it into the rest of the world.
You can do it with meditation as well. If you can sit still and let all the self destructive impulses pass, the truth will come to you. The negative will pass and the right action will come.
Thus you will be adding to the Improv of life instead of depleting it.
But man, sometimes it's hard to sit through those feelings.
For me, sometimes I get triggered and it's so hard for me to remember that first of all, it's not reality, and secondly, the feelings will not last forever.
The feelings are so acute at times that I feel like I could die.
But I don't die and by holding on to myself I don't hurt anyone else either. In fact I used my words and let people know how I feel.
They don't always care and that's OK too. I wish they wanted to play Improv with me and build on it and keep communicating because I know it would free them but therein lies the key to life.
Acceptance that the only thing I can control is myself.
And who's to say that I know that everyone wants to be free? Sometimes danger and pain feel very safe.
Good mornin y’all! K so I have so much to do today to start getting ready to bring Minus 32 Million Words to Boston, then figure out where to do it here in NYC beforehand to get it warmed up, but who's complaining?
I am so happy to be working and pulling all this off my own self.
I am really finding this whole world of doing business fascinating.
I loved it when I had my sitcom, i just didn't trust myself enough so it was painful instead of pleasurable.
Because of where I come from and the fact that they told me I was retarded, I thought anyone in a suit knew more than me.
I would see things so quickly, point them out and then have to fight with dummies for days until they saw my point.
Now I just do it myself and if they want to catch up they can.
I remember being on a conference call pitching a TV show to two guys in LA and one of the guys said, "Sue, slow down, and (to the other guy) I told you how smart she was.”
That was one of the first times I realized it. The other time was when I met with an agent and he said, "So let me get this straight: you want to be respected for the way you think not the way you look?"
I was like, Is this guy f'in kidding me?
So rather than try to take care of these nincompoops so that they can take care of me, I have cut out the middle man, put my big girl pants on and am trusting my gut.
No one is coming to save me. It was a very sad thing to realize but once I did what freedom I felt.
Talk about a rebirth!!!!!
So it's Jan 3rd and the holidays are over and 2010 is full speed ahead and I wanted to write down some words of gratitude. The check is in the mail for Minus 32 Million Words. I should sign the contract for the theater this week and I'm happy and healthy. I can't ask for much more than that.
Oh wait I forgot about the meeting with the book agent about my book this week. Yay!
I went to the MOMA today to look at some art and overheard a woman talking about her child and how in school they are teaching the kids how to freely express themselves and it made me cry.
I thought about how long it has taken me to be able to say what I think and feel. But most importantly I've learned how to do it without taking someone else down. How long it's taken me to put words to it all then to make those words and action then to make it all my life.
I have learned what my boundaries are and how to stick to them, without needing the whole world to agree with them or even understand them
I thought about how I finally value myself and what I have to offer someone and the unspoken agreement that is made when someone gets to benefit from being around me.
And because I understand and respect myself I have much more compassion for others. I can have compassion from far away, if a person does not respect me.
I mean think about it: if I don't have compassion I will just walk around depleted and angry all the time. But the key to all of this is, compassion does not mean you let someone walk all over you.
I was talking to one of my friends today and she reminded me of the first time we met. I was sitting on a stoop doing business and she needed someone to talk to so I told her that I could listen to her for 10 minutes but then I had to get back to work. She talked, I comforted and went back to business. She later told me that she was so mad at me when I first said it to her but once she took time to reflect she thought to herself, the whole reason she wanted to talk to me was because she thought I was cool and part of my coolness was my dignity. And she said that day she would have spewed for hours if someone had not given her a time limit and in the long run she felt more love from me than if someone had just let her talk and suck the life out of them and then never spoken to her again.
I have many friends that tell me that when I first set boundaries with them they were so mad at me but in the end that was what actually made them love me more.
I've also had people who thought my boundaries were for the birds and ran very far from me.
It has helped me to have richer relationships with people and not to take things so personally sometimes. Now when someone gets mad I give them space. Sometimes they come back and sometimes they don't but at least its not because of a lack of love on my part. Because sometimes the best way you can show someone that you love them is to leave them alone.
Peace and Happy 2010 to you all!