Choice

We all have it. I personally never really wanted to accept it because that would mean that once i saw that I could really do whatever I wanted I would be responsible. But that sounds really heavy. Also like I have some sort of power. That's a trick I tell myself so I don't have to feel my own powerlessness. I have figured out a way to kinda sit somewhere in the middle. I am responsible to do whatever is humanly possible to fix my insides. I have come to believe that I am made of something so beautiful and spiritual. It is my responsibly to nurture that person and maybe help people feel a little better every day. And if they are not ready to feel better it’s my responsibility to leave them alone :)

take a listen y'all

Marc puts aside his fear of Boston Natives to welcome the thickly accented and very funny Sue Costello to the garage. Sue talks about how the bottom dropped out on her rising comedy career and how an unlikely role in The Fighter prepped her for a comeback.

BLOGGING

OK back to blogging. I just renewed my hosting package and it costs me an arm and a leg on account of my blog. So, I might as well use it. I'm also going to get back to the business of vlogging because I think I can post them here as well. In the meantime, please follow me on Twitter @suecostello

give the funny— it will come back 10 fold

When my friend laughed the other night I asked her, “Why?” She said, "You say funny things" and all of sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks, that I am a person who has this personality and this spirit that is driven both my heart and my brain, but something even less tangible: LOVE.

It is all housed in this body. To make someone laugh goes beyond anything tangible. It's an unspoken generosity. In order to make someone laugh it needs to be about them, not about you. It's taken me years to start to care about others more than myself, and I could only do that once I started to care about myself. It's deep, I know. But it's also really simple.

Last week I headlined at Gotham and the audience was amazing! All the comics noticed. And I thought, "Yeah, cause they are Kadoozie Kadets :) These people are here to see me." I have nurtured my relationship with them. I have given to them and now they are coming out to see me. It's a mutual respect thing.

Then, I sat and watched the comics. The more laughs they got, the more they loosened up and were funny and the more the audience laughed. Someone said, "Sue, this is fun" and I said "Yeah, look, that's how it should be: one person gives and the others accept and send it back!!!”

That night I looked up existential , and this is what is said: (adjective) pertaining to existence.

Is it crazy that I am finally realizing that I exist? And, and, and, that I can really make a difference? I might be small, but I can do big things :)

ART— it is because I say it is...

I love me some ART. It inspires me so much! The ICA had a pork rind with the words doy fe meaning by my will I attest inscribed on it. Gabriel Kuri saying he does what he wants! Like DuChamp with the toilet or Banksy with Mr. Brainwash. Imagine if it was that easy to say "I'm worth it."

I attest by my will that I'm worth it and your whole world turns on it's axle? I just started to learn about art, like 6 years ago. I was really intimidated so I asked my friend to teach me about one artist at a time. I saw Basquiat in LA. The wall description said his work was all about the tragedy of the unrealized human potential and I almost fell on the floor crying.

Then I went to the MOCA and saw a short film of Picasso. It was right when film had just come out so it was measured by feet. He was sitting in his underwear painting and the director was telling him to "Hurry up" and I thought, Ha! Even Picasso has to deal with others trying to push his art for their benefit.

Then I was in London at a billionaire’s house and I was looking at his paintings. He saw me, came over and asked, "Do you know who that is?" I said, "Yeah, Picasso."

game day...

Tonight and tomorrow night I will perform my show Minus 32 Million Words. So today I go to yoga and take very good care of myself. I used to get so nervous and worry all day. By the time showtime came I would be exhausted and so filled with fear that my performance suffered. Anyone who has seen my show knows that from an early age I was taught that God likes us to suffer. Well, seems like my life has to get to the point before my show does and in the show I am trying to reveal that there is no reason for it to suffer and in actuality it makes everyone’s life worse. I could get into the S&M theory I have about it but I'll save that for a day when I have more time. The long and short of it is, the less I torture myself, the more I have to give. Life should be easy but it's really hard to get to that.

yoga mat, the long way...

So I had a dream the other night that I was in a yoga class and instead of using my yoga mat the long way, I was using it the short way, meaning, only my hands were on the mat, and someone else was on the mat with with me. In the dream I was frustrated that my lower body was on the floor instead of on the cushioned mat and that the person on the end of my mat was the reason for this.

I let it go on for half the dream until I opened my mouth to the person on the end and said, "I know that it's easier for you to balance while you are on my mat, but I need my whole mat in order to have a productive practice."

It may not sound like a lot to you, but I woke from that dream thinking it was the most profound dream I have ever had.

You see my compassion for others has sometimes gotten in the way of me taking care of myself. In the dream I was able to feel compassion for the person but still do what was right for me.

Trading my own necessities for someone else's comfort doesn't work for either of us.

The reality is, practicing yoga helps you find your balance, so whomever was on the other end of my mat needed to be set free to find their own strength. Because really, what would happen to them if I didn't make it to class one day?

seriously tomorrow i blog…

I have lots to say, tomorrow will be about the yoga mat and how I own it.