Emapathy

Empathy is the capacity to recognize and, to some extent, share feelings (such as sadness or happiness) that are being experienced by another sentient or semi-sentient being. Someone may need to have a certain amount of empathy before they are able to feel compassion. Empathy is the key cornerstone in genuine human relationships. Empathy is conscious. It means one with empathy feels compassion, while those without do not take into account other people's emotions.

Psychopathology reveals that people with an absence of empathy can be defined as a sociopath or psychopath. A person who has empathy understands others.

Oh boy, have I got a lot to write about on this subject. First of all, I think we are in a state of emergency with the kids of today because of technology. I'm terrified that they are not able to develop empathy, because all of their exchanges are through some sort of machine and they happen really, really fast.

I hope that someone somewhere begins to realize that a person's ability to empathize is the key to happiness, and that relationships take form in the action of delayed gratification.

 Sometimes u need to be uncomfortable in order for feelings to grow. Trust is built and love needs to grow. I can pretty much state this as fact because if it wasn't the truth, selfish people would be happy.

I have been saying this since I was a kid. I consider myself a very, very lucky human being because for whatever reason, I was born with an abundance of empathy. Sometimes it's gotten me in trouble, but given the choice, I would rather be someone who has too much rather than too little.

I have oftentimes hated this aspect of myself because I didn't do anything to deserve it, so most of my life I've been ashamed of it.

There have been many situations where I would just say something empathetic and another person would take it as a personal offense. They would puff up and say, “Sue, we're not all like you!" and I would shrivel in shame.

I thought that this part of me was disgusting. I thought that there was something wrong with me, that I was too much.

Well, now I realize that I'm not too much and now that I'm an adult I have the strength to maintain my empathy even when comes to people trying to scare me out of it.

I empathize with the fact that they are in pain, because only hurt people, hurt people. In the same breath, I don't take any shit — especially shit that comes from someone's lower self.

That shit is just gonna cover the light in me to make the dark in them feel better and that's not why we are here.

We are not here to live in our own shit, isolated and alone.

If you hold your shit in too long you get cancer. Cancer spreads like wild fire.

The reason I believe that I am here on earth is to clean out my own shit, find my light and flash it on others when they try to dump theirs.

I think it's everybody's purpose in life, just like with the kids. We need to show them to delay their gratification, to be able to learn how to pacify themselves so when they are older people want to be around them. Think about it: you potty train a kid to hold it in and let it out when they reach the toilet. Delayed gratification actually turns into self-preservation which turns into people wanting to be around you. Get it?

Show me one person who is buried by their own shit that is happy. You can't. Fact.

Show me someone who is willing to dig out of their own shit to show others that it's possible.

Show me a person who, once they do it, helps others in a way that doesn't enable them, but holds them accountable to the light.

Then and only then, will you show me a happy person. Because the sum of all things is one. Intimacy into me I see :) then I can see you :)

The only cure for a broken heart is more love

I went to yoga this early morning. As I was practicing, I had a bout of sense memory. I remembered when I started practicing yoga every day. It was right after my boyfriend of 8 years moved out on me while I was away for the weekend. I didn't sleep for 5 days, but everyday I would go to yoga at 10 a.m. and move my body and cry. The teacher was really gentle and I was drawn to him. He never made a fuss, but I'm sure he saw me crying. He just let me be, except for the occasional gentle touch of his hand.

I also remember getting a massage once a week. The same thing would happen. I would lie face down on the table and cry. The woman massaging me never said a word as I came back week after week and cried until I was all cried out.

I remember thinking, She is literally pushing the pain out of my body.

This break up was so intense because it was a bigger pain than just the break up. I had made a conscious decision to change my nervous system. I decided with that one incident, that I wasn't going to let it break my heart; I was going to let it break my heart open.

I decided that I was going to have the courage to find love. I knew if I didn't, the same thing would keep happening: the drama of the break up, the pretending to be a victim instead of a volunteer.

I remember being somewhere and crying so hard that I couldn't even conceal it. The tears were gushing out of me. A stranger grabbed my hand and held it and I held hers.

I remember looking down at our hands and thinking, Oh my gosh, I'm changing, I would never have allowed this kindness in before.

As I practiced today, I thought about all the people that loved me through that pain. The people that talked on the phone with me for hours and all the rest.

I don't remember the pain of the break up, nor do I remember the pain of my rebirth. They say you can't, otherwise you would never do it again.

What I do remember is the love that I received. They say that only love is truth, and the rest is false. If you stick with finding your heart, which is the truth which is you, all the rest will slip away.

Why? Because it’s not real.

Being private in public....

I was at the beach yesterday. I walked down to the edge of the water to put my feet in and when I got there, there were two little kids gloriously playing in the water.

They were just having so much fun, pushing their faces in the waves and rolling in the sand. The little girl saw me, got up and came to me like she was going to hug me. She held my hand instead. She felt the love and appreciation coming from me.

I thought in that moment how much power that gave me over this little person. You see, she hasn't had the heartaches that comes along with being alive for a longer period of time.

She hasn't pushed that little spirit down yet. She feels it, the love, the life and she goes after it. She doesn't have much scar tissue over her heart yet. It's open, maybe too open. Maybe she just needs a little healthy skepticism, and maybe, instead of scar tissue, that's what we all need.

I thought I needed to protect myself at all costs with a rigidity that was unbearable. I was wrong. What I needed was love and communication. And most importantly , what I needed was for someone to see me.

This little girl saw me. She asked me why I was wearing a hat. She was African American and I'm a really white girl. Then, she touched my belly button piercing and told me that her aunt had the same thing.

She was figuring out how we were the same and how we were different. She was so open to the curiosity of the intimacy that comes along with seeing another person. She saw me, which, in turn, made her see herself.

After a few minutes, her Mom came to the edge of the water. I thought, Good, she cares about her little munchkin. She wanted to see who was talking to her daughter, as she should have.

But then, I realized her Mom was afraid of the water. The little girl asked me to go out a lil further with her because her Mom wouldn't. We did.

When we got out a little further she told me that she had sand in her bathing suit and kept pulling at her private parts.

I could see that she did not want to be doing it, but she didn't know what to do about the sand.
See, she had a healthy respect for her own privacy — she just didn't have a solution.

I thought, Gosh, don't tell her not to touch herself (by all means don't shame her, encourage her). Tell her to dunk under the water, pull her bathing suit to the side, let the sand out and then stand up.

She did it and her face lit up — she was free. Free with boundaries and privacy and respect.

You see kids have all that inside. They know the truth they just need a little guidance. The damage comes when the adults push their fears on the kids.

The adults have the fear because no one before them knew how to give them a healthy, free, protective choice.

I hope maybe the few minutes I spent with that little girl will help her not be afraid of the water. I hope she will know how to be private in public for the rest of her life.

Stop look and listen

I have had so many magnets and received a thousand cards that bore proclamations about living life, but I never knew how to put those words into action.

It takes so much energy to stop, to slow down, to manage the feelings that come along with blind faith.

You can't just decide to be different, you have to do something to be different.

The process is usually really uncomfortable. You have to do something that you've never done before and believe that it will be better. Usually you don't even have proof that it will be better, you just know that what you've been doing has not worked thus far.

For a long time, change happened only when the pain of not changing became greater than the pain that my fear of changing caused.

I would have to change the action and sit with the feelings that came along with the "not doing."

I once heard a girl ask, "What would I have to feel if I stopped all of this compulsive behavior?"

For me it's peace. Not at first; at first I feel the compulsions. The compulsions to fix, to run, to judge, to move but as I sit still, I change the action. When I sit still I might not be doing anything to make the situation better, but I'm definitely not making it any worse. And sometimes that's the most spiritual, humane thing to do.

The spirituality is the action and the action is the pause.

if you do one esti mable act every day

…for 365 days, eventually you will have a year's worth of it in your tank. I know we live in a culture where everyone wants everything yesterday and no one wants to do any work to get it. I mean, with human growth hormones and liposuction, plastic surgery, etc, everyone looks great and feels terrible. The only way to really feel good is to go inside. I don't care if I'm only person on earth who believes this or says it. You can tell me money will make you happy, you can tell me a person will make you happy but I'm telling you NOTHING outside of yourself can bring you true contentment.

My Dad used to tell me that hard work builds character. He's right, kinda. When you work hard on something that means something to you, it builds your character. When you work hard at something that depletes you as a human being, that only makes you angry. Fact.

Everyone knows it deep inside. Everyone knows the truth. We might do things to deceive ourselves or others but deep down we all know.

Think about a time when you did something that you didn't feel good about but seconds later you were already justifying it, and you alone were not strong enough to suppress the bad feelings, so you call 5 people you tell them your version of what happened and they prop you up. It only lasts as long as the phone call and the second you hang up, the truth pushes through and you have to call someone else.

I was afraid to go inside. I was afraid that I might find something I didn't like. I did, and the difference is that I thought I would go in and find that I am innately bad, but I found the opposite. I am innately good. The bad stuff was just behaviors that I had learned to survive because I couldn't tolerate the pure love.

Pretty is as Pretty does.

Controlled chaos

That's the way I would describe how I like my art and my life. Well, maybe "controlled spontaneity" is more like it. I love to fly by the seat of my pants, but I realize that seat belts were invented for a reason. They do not restrict you while you’re driving, nor do they control the speed at which you choose to drive, but they do  protect you in case of emergency.

Boundaries are the seat belt of life. If you figure out where you end and another person begins, there can be room for everyone. That is easier said than done, especially when love is involved.

The key to it all is that boundaries are the greatest form of love and really the only way that the purest form of love can exist. Control is not love, it's aggression.

Think about a kid who is acting up. When you tell them to stop it, they may hem and haw, but inside they feel loved. They feel like you care about them and they feel like you see them.

Lots of grown ups have not officially grown up, so in reality this theory works with them too. The problem with this is someone has to be the grown up. In a world where lots of us do not feel like we got enough, it's hard to wrap our brain around.

The good news is that when you create boundaries, you are helping everyone involved. Most people don't feel worthy to set them, so when you do, they are thrilled. They think, Thank you for doing that because I can't stop myself. When you do it for a kid, you are ensuring that that kid will grow up with a little more respect for themselves and others. When you do it for an adult, you are helping the wounded kid inside of them by demanding more of them and I believe with all my heart that people will rise to the occasion.

Sometimes it's not the first boundary, but the second, or the third that finally sticks, but it will stick. Love is messy, but it can be pure. You have to exert yourself when you love. You need to put yourself out there. You need to be responsible. Baby steps and eventually you will have more to give than get :) The one with the power is the responsible one, and if you're reading this right now you have just become responsible.

Make them connect with your heart instead of your bowels because really, wouldn't you rather live in love than shit?

When I go in, I get out:)

When I go inside myself I feel safe and connected. It takes all my strength to do that some days. I have been trained that I am supposed to get my happiness from outside things. I've found that that is just an oppressive way to live. If I depend on outside things then there is never any safety.

I remember reading about a football player who made so much money just so he could build a concrete fortress. He was sexually abused when he was little and this was the only way he could feel safe. The problem with that is that it's a false sense of safety. I call it danger disguised as safety. We think these things will somehow make us not as scared, but the truth is, only love will kill the fear.

We cannot change the awful things from our past and running from them creates a bigger split inside of us. It's like we create a false self so we don't have to be that person that the bad things happened to. The problem with that is that we create is a bigger wound. Our intention is to protect it but what we really do is perpetuate it. We leave ourselves wide open to be hurt over and over again. On a deeper level we hurt ourselves because we think we are the things that were done to us.

You see when you push the bad feelings down the good ones have to go too.

The only way out of this danger is to admit that we are in it. Then — and only then — can we begin to protect ourselves.

I know I’m asking a lot. How can it be that we had bad things happen to us, and then we screwed up our lives because of these bad things, and it's all our responsibility to fix it?

It sounds like a huge job, one that you might not think you have the strength to overcome but there is hope that you are not a victim: you have strength beyond your wildest dreams.

Think about it as if you were buried alive. You would not just die, you would do anything to dig yourself out. And you would have to do it slowly too so that it all didn't cave in on you, but you would do it until you were free :)

Then when you were free you would have to be even more gentle with yourself because in a weird way the dark suffocation had been comfortable. Now you are in the light, exposed, so you must grow slowly.

Sound familiar? Life, death and rebirth = fine line